1. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. But it's still on the list.

直译：在这个世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你，但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

意译：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

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2. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。

意译：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。

3. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

4. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。

5. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

剽悍的人生不需要解释。

6.It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。

7. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

好客就是让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。

8. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

活到老，2到老

9. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

直译：如果你始终脚踏实地，那就别想穿裤子了。

意译：人太老实没法活。

10. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

世界总是在变，但我却怎么也便不出来。

人生何处不杯具，唯有面对饮水机。